


Power Is Dangerous

by purgatoan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood Drinking, Canon Compliant, Dark fic, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, POV Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 15:03:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8990983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatoan/pseuds/purgatoan
Summary: Sam wasn’t sure if his powers were a gift or a curse. He decided, after a while, that he should try to embrace them, for the greater good. But was that a good decision?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song Monster by Imagine Dragons (lyrics italised!)
> 
> Cross-posting from Tumblr, it's an oldie!

It was just an accident. After Dean went to hell, I set myself a goal. I wanted to be the one to kill Lilith, to avenge my brother’s death. It was the only way I could stay sane while being alone. That’s why I started torturing random demons, hoping that one of them would know the coordinates of her location.

_Ever since I could remember,_

_Everything inside of me,_

_Just wanted to fit in (oh, oh, oh, oh)_

After killing several and and still not one of them gave me any information about that demon bitch, I was angry. Actually, I was furious. When I found another black-eyed creature I used the finest torture ideas I could ever think of. Injecting it with holy water, splashing it with holy water, cutting it with a knife dipped in holy water and coated with salt. The possibilites were endless with my imagination being the only thing to limit me but it still didn’t seem to work. I found myself wishing that I could kill that demon with my bare hands. How I wished I would act out on him, squeezing his soul and turning him into nothing.

_I was never one for pretenders,_

_Everything I tried to be,_

_Just wouldn’t settle in (oh, oh, oh, oh)_

I noticed a bit of smoke coming out of the demon’s mouth and I looked around, trying to confirm that I was the only person in the room, other than him. How was that possible if I didn’t exorcise him? I clenched my fist involuntarily and more smoke came out of the creature’s nose. Finally, I understood. I was doing it. But how the hell could I be capable of banishing a demon out of human’s body with only the power of will. I thought I was going crazy. I looked the demon in the eyes, completely black, and flicked my wrist, simultaneously forming my hand into a fist. The more I thought about getting demon out of that person’s body the more smoke came out and, soon, it completely disappeared. I was terrified. How could it be possible to do that?

_If I told you what I was,_

_Would you turn your back on me?_

Once I came back to the hotel room I had no idea what to do. It was all such a mystery. I mean, I’ve never heard of that way of sending demons to hell and the person that was posessed survived. That was a miracle. I had no idea why and how I did that. Honestly, all I had in my mind were questions. Why me? How is it possible? What the hell is happening? And there was no one to answer them.

_And if I seem dangerous,_

_Would you be scared?_

I knew that I couldn’t tell Bobby anything. He would probably freak out and he was so beaten up after what happened with Dean, that I couldn’t. I couldn’t put more on his plate. It wouldn’t be fair. The only person I knew would know what to do was Ruby but she was dead, right? At least, that’s what I thought.

_I get the feeling just because_

_Everything I touch isn’t dark enough_

The day after, I woke up with a huge hangover ,the sound of someone banging at the door shaking me from my sleep. Drinking was my other outlet since I lost him. It was the only thing that made it possible for me to sleep. Sighing, I got up, ready to tell that person to go away but I froze once I saw who was standing there. There was a petite woman, her raven hair falling down her shoulders and back, her eyes dark piercing through me. I’ve never seen her before, I was sure, but there was something familiar about her.

_That this problem lies in me_

Once she spoke, with sassiness and sarcasm, a devilish smile on her face, everything clicked. It was her, it was Ruby. I had no idea if I should be happy or angry. One thing I knew for sure is that she would know something about what was happening to me, she was a demon after all. That’s why I invited her in. In a wicked way, I trusted her, after everything that happened and after all those times she saved our asses she was some kind of an ally.

_I’m only a man with a candle to guide me,_

_I’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me._

I couldn’t believe what she told me as she perched herself on my bed, grabbing the bottle of whiskey that was on the bedside table, taking a swing of the liqiud. She said that my powers, or whatever you want to call them, were a result of Azazel’s blood. The blood that he dripped into my mouth when I was nothing more than a small infant crawling around in my crib. I didn’t believe her at first but it made sense. Demon blood giving control over the demons. Like a sentence taken from some textbook. But what was I going to do with that knowledge?

_A monster, a monster,_

_I’ve turned into a monster,_

It had given me an advantage. An advantage that Dean, an advantage that Dad could have never dreamed of. I could save people. Kill the demon, send it back to hell and save the vessel. Something that hunters could only dream of. I would become a good hunter. I’m sure Dean and Dad would want me to be a better one. I couldn’t keep that one to myself. I was terrified, of course I was, but it was something good. I was good. I wasn’t some kind of a freak. It was a gift. And I could put it to a good use. I could actually kill Lilith one day, with my bare hands.

_A monster, a monster,_

_And it keeps getting stronger._

And that’s how I started trying to expell the demons from peoples bodies with the power of my will. Ruby was picking random ones, not necessarily the ones associated with Lilith. That pissed me off a bit but she explained that I needed some practice before I got to that demon bitch. She was right.

_Can I clear my conscience_

_If I’m different from the rest?_

_Do I have to run and hide? (oh, oh, oh, oh)_

At first, I couldn’t do it. I knew I was capable of but it was like something was holding me back. And I had no idea why. After a few tries, it became easy to get them out. As long as it was an average demon, of course.

_I never said that I want this,_

_This burden came to me,_

_And it’s made its home inside (oh, oh, oh, oh)_

There were times that I screwed up and people died during expelling the demons out of their bodies. I got back to the motel and I decided that I should just take my chance and face Lilith right then. That’s when Ruby came in. She tried to convince me that I would kill myself, that I wasn’t ready, and she froze once she understood that I didn’t want to live anymore. I mean, how would I want to live? Dean was dead and it should’ve been him, not me.

_If I told you what I was,_

_Would you turn your back on me?_

She started talking some crap about her being able to remember how it felt to be human but I was done. I was so done. And that’s when it happened. Ruby tried to distract me with something else. She tried to seduce me. I knew this would be wrong, a man and a demon, but, I couldn’t hold back anymore. I lost control. And, what scared me the most, I loved it.

_And if I seem dangerous,_

_Would you be scared?_

The other day when we were closing in on Lilith, someone knocked on the door. I thought it was the pizza we delivered earlier but when I opened it, I was shocked. I saw Dean and Bobby and I couldn’t believe it. How was it possible that he was alive? I was so relieved when I heard that someone saved him, I couldn’t help but pull him close. I wanted to never let him go. I didn’t aknowledge Ruby’s presence until she said something. God, what I was going to tell them? I couldn’t say to them straight away that I’ve got those weird crap-ass powers out of nowhere, right? I decided to keep it a secret.

_I get the feeling just because,_

_Everything I touch isn’t dark enough_

_That this problem lies in me_

I hoped I could do this. Somehow, I knew that Dean wouldn’t be happy about what I was doing. I had no idea but I had this feeling, somewhere deep, that it wasn’t purely good. But I wasn’t doing anything wrong, right? I just wanted to save people. How could it be a bad thing?

_I’m only a man with a candle to guide me,_

_I’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me._

I kept going on a short runs with Ruby, trying not to give away what I was doing to my brother. But, soon, I became irritated with the lack of results. I didn’t improve, nothing got better. I was still at almost the same level. How was I supposed to be able to beat Lilith when I couldn’t handle mediocre demons?

_A monster, a monster,_

_I’ve turned into a monster,_

_A monster, a monster,_

_And it keeps getting stronger._

When we were driving from the warehouse we tortured that demon in, Ruby suggested something. She heard that demon blood gives people all sorts of abilities. I knew she wasn’t lying, the demon blood was the reason that I had my powers, but she also mentioned that some people drink it to get stoned. She thought that it might be a way for me to improve, to get a better hand at it.

_I’m only a man with a candle to guide me,_

_I’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me._

I thought it was disgusting. How could someone drink demon blood just because they wanted to do it? Hovewer, she kept bragging and told me that she won’t let go until I try it. If it wasn’t going to work out then we just could get over it and try to find another solution, right?

_A monster, a monster,_

_I’ve turned into a monster,_

Ruby offered to be the one to deliver me the blood. I said that she was insane but she called it a no big deal kind of thing. She was probably right, I guess. Giving me her knife, she sat on the bed and offered her hand. I cut it slowly, a few inches above the wrist, and the blood burst out. She looked at me, nodding, and I put my lips around the cut. When it came into contact with my mouth, I felt something I’ve never felt. A surge of power. And it that moment, I knew I would be capable of beating Lilith. I was certain that I could kill every demon in the world living the hell burning and empty and the world safe and sound.

_A monster, a monster,_

_And it keeps getting stronger._

Oh boy, I couldn’t have been more wrong.


End file.
